You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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