I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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