that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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