Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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