This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
