Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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