I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
