I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
