i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
