I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
