i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Randomize
