where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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