If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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