He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
