He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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