Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
