So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
