shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
