i barfeds in our rink
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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