marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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