Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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