If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
