Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
God I need to hump something, right now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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