She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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