I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
