everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
