...so i touched it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
