my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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