i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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