woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
