Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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