Moan for me like Helen Keller
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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