the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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