69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
