One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
