How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
