but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
