Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
