I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
