I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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