Your tits are I can't wait for
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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