i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
