how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
