I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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