So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
