I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
