I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
