Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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