I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
