okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
