I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
