i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I smell like Dick and happiness
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
