The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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